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money makes me feel stupid sometimes

money makes me feel stupid sometimes

i fall for its bullshit in this little dance

of dramatic fists and forgets

the guilt comes after the purchase

tucked under the label of the eye cream

wedged in the pocket of a custom hoodie

sprinkled on a pizza with a last minute flourish

but you don’t have rent

the cheese cools accusingly

you could have eaten groceries

why is my pizza so upset with me

i brought it into existence

with the tap of a rectangle

you could be a bunch of separate stuff

but you’re a pizza now

i summoned you

so what if i don’t have rent

i have pizza

that’s stupid

the pizza will not give up

will sit in my stomach

wishing it was money again

even though money is just fucking paper

and pizza is the exact crosspoint

between survival and joy

money’s just the messenger

a current for decisions lessons beliefs

it stretches when i remember my worth

and when i detach from everyone else’s opinion

crunches with chance and regret

becomes small and embarrassing

when i stare at it for too long

tends to multiply

when i bench fear and put in thanks

tests me with parties and social pressure

profiles of dead men and aging queens

stare down my decisions

numbers and commas shift around

on some automated webpage

money is a fact of this capitalist existence

it can try as best it can

but it will never break me

it can’t crush my glowing empathy

can’t stop my heart and mind from expanding

can’t make me feel stupid enough

to give away my hope and happiness

deep down i’ll always remember

that what’s really stupid

is regretting pizza

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