money makes me feel stupid sometimes
i fall for its bullshit in this little dance
of dramatic fists and forgets
the guilt comes after the purchase
tucked under the label of the eye cream
wedged in the pocket of a custom hoodie
sprinkled on a pizza with a last minute flourish
but you don’t have rent
the cheese cools accusingly
you could have eaten groceries
why is my pizza so upset with me
i brought it into existence
with the tap of a rectangle
you could be a bunch of separate stuff
but you’re a pizza now
i summoned you
so what if i don’t have rent
i have pizza
that’s stupid
the pizza will not give up
will sit in my stomach
wishing it was money again
even though money is just fucking paper
and pizza is the exact crosspoint
between survival and joy
money’s just the messenger
a current for decisions lessons beliefs
it stretches when i remember my worth
and when i detach from everyone else’s opinion
crunches with chance and regret
becomes small and embarrassing
when i stare at it for too long
tends to multiply
when i bench fear and put in thanks
tests me with parties and social pressure
profiles of dead men and aging queens
stare down my decisions
numbers and commas shift around
on some automated webpage
money is a fact of this capitalist existence
it can try as best it can
but it will never break me
it can’t crush my glowing empathy
can’t stop my heart and mind from expanding
can’t make me feel stupid enough
to give away my hope and happiness
deep down i’ll always remember
that what’s really stupid
is regretting pizza